Long Time Since...

It has been an awfully long time since I have posted anything. Between being sick, going on vacation, tiling the bathroom, going to work, and wrestling kids there hasn't been any time for anything. Even now I feel this as being a very short post.
I've been laughing about this since it happened. Ginger and I were at the Grand Canyon for our 18th anniversary and the night we arrived a snow storm came through dumping a thick white blanket on the town. Knowing I needed gas for the day, and being ready to go before Ginger truly got going, I decided to run out, fill up, and get back. I ran down stairs to the van and gawked at the mound of snow that sat in my parking space right where I had left the van. I found a baseball cap of Xander's in the back seat and used the brim to shovel snow off the van. By the time I finished that chore Ginger was probably ready to go, but rather than run back up the stairs to find out I headed out to the gas station. While I stood chattering in the wind fueling up I thought about how Ginger owns nothing that is designed to protect from the elements, and being the loving husband I am, I decided to go in search of a jacket and boots. While the first shop burst of "I hiked the canyon" and "Go ride a burro" T-shirts, there was nothing to appeal to the winter visitor so I headed up the road. I turned early for the next shop into what I assumed was a long parking lot joining two strip malls. As I tooled along merrily up the lot I saw the snow had not been plowed from between the two lots, but that it looked much like a "dusting" rather than the 8 inches I had shoveled off the van. I soon found myself stuck in what was definitely not a joining section of lot, but rather a dirt patch. I found that my tools in the back of the van were a pathetic collection of rather useless items. Xander's baseball cap probably topped my list of emergency preparedness. As I stood in the snow pondering a man came across the field eyeing me and then asked if I was stuck. I replied in the affirmative and then asked if he would drive while I pushed. He told me to hang on for a moment and he would grab some buddies. He went into the restaurant Ginger and I ate in the night before and came back with the kitchen help. I could hear in my head all the comments about the stupid vacationer who doesn't know how to drive, who is dumb enough to drive right into a big muddy lot because it is camouflaged with snow, etc... I've worked in a kitchen, I know how hard these guys work, and taking a break to help an idiot is not really appreciated. If I had been some hot woman with curves and lips, well sure; but no, I was me. I could hear it in my head. They pushed me out rather quickly and I thanked them most heartily and drove back to the hotel my mission all but forgotten and a failure.
Ginger and I took off for the rim and I stayed on the road, no attempt to cut through anything. We stopped at the other store for some snack items, and as we walked through Ginger asked me to hold her purse so she could take off her jacket. I stood in one of the aisles (Ginger was not right next to me, but a little away) I turned and there coming down the aisle was one of the men who had helped me. He nodded in recognition of me and seemed to zero in on the purse. I knew right then he was off to the restaurant to explain to all the others that it was now obvious why the situation had happened. Oh, the humiliation.
I didn't let it get me down; in fact, I laughed about it and still do. The Grand Canyon is beautiful in the winter with all the snow and lack of visitors. I highly recommend it, but stick to the roads

When; exactly, was the plan hatched?

The alarm went off at 6:30 this morning so I could arise and wake my children for school. I did not feel like "arising" and I really didn't care to listen to moaning and groaning about the misery of arising for school from my non-morning people children. Katie , as Katie always does, just rolled over and blew me off. Xander on the other hand, who is usually pretty good about getting up, Growled at me and kicked at me and generally put me in a mood. I considered just going back to bed and letting them deal with the consequences. Then I realized the consequences would be all mine. This did not help my mood.
I often cook breakfast for the little darlings: pancakes, waffles, or eggs. Today; however, it was a cold cereal sort of morning. We have quite a collection of bags and boxes of cereal that have been begged for during grocery store visits, most of which just the name cause the bile to rise in my throat, but I was a kid once and have vague recollections of asking for such fare. I go to get Xander (Katie was still blowing me off) one of his requests and he moaned at me. A deep, lowdown, load moan! "What would you like then?", "MOOOAAAN!!!!", "Just go get yourself dressed then!!! I don't want to deal with this right now!!!" I storm off to battle the Katie-Bug. When I come back Xander is dressed and doing just fine with himself scarfing down a chocolate pop-tart.
Now a chocolate pop-tart is no better than the crap cereal he made us buy, but I'm sure the deception was planned well in advance and the moaning no more than a clever ploy. The boy eats only sugar and has so defiled his taste buds he can eat nothing else. (Those of you outside the family can have no idea how much this irks me), but was it planned this morning in the waking hours, or last night before bed? Wouldn't put it past him. Katie doddled enough that she had to be driven to the bus stop (just barely caught the bus, thought I was going all the way to school). I love school days!

Tacos and the Problem of Evil

I went to lunch the other day at Viva Burrito and ordered two tacos. The place was a little busy with a lot of cars in the drive through and only three people working: a cashier, a cook, and a shift supervisor who helped out by yelling at the other two. I noticed a boy playing on the sidewalk out front. He looked about 9 and was entertaining himself the way 9 year old boys, running in circles and making noises. I didn't think much of it and didn't wonder what he was doing there. As I waited a woman came in. She appeared rushed and frustrated, and she walked up to the counter and asked for her order to be canceled because she could not wait any longer and had to leave. There were some exchanges as they figured out her order (two tacos). It took them a minute but they gave her back her $2.00 and she left, herding the boy on the way out. I saw his face and he was crushed. They were his tacos. It was the only part to the order, it was just for him, and it was canceled. I saw him try not to cry without much success, and I heard mom saying she would get him something when they got there. I don't know what their situation was or how busy and important things were, I just know the boy was devastated and I felt for him.
I have seen that face before, while I can't remember exact situations I know I have seen that crushed, trying not to cry look on Xande's face. I also know that at those times I was the one rushed and frustrated, and therefore his look did not elicit the same reaction in me as this little boy because I had more pressing things than two tacos going on. In fact I've even been a little put out by the added stress of something as trivial as a taco being thrust upon me.
To make matters worse the woman and child had just gotten in their car and started to back out when the tacos were put on the counter ready to go (I didn't know it was them at first or I like to think I might have run out and given them to the kid). When I saw the cashier and supervisor discussing the fate of the tacos I became annoyed, no one bothered to find out where the tacos were in relation to being ready when the woman came in. On top of that they were discussing tossing the tacos out! Remember, my order was for two tacos also. I made a comment in their direction about my order and they decided to give me the tacos rather than make me wait. Of course I did feel a little guilty knowing I was dining on a child's crushed dream, but I overcame and was able to get them down.
So why the problem of evil? I happen to be listening to a lecture series by Peter Kreeft about religion and questions of faith and he happened to be discussing the problem of evil as an atheists strongest argument against God and how a believer might refute the claim. He just happened to come to one argument that makes the claim that what we perceive as dire evil in this world, as bad things happening to good people, are being seen from our finite perspective. When looked at from the perspective of eternity it is a different picture; like a small child dropping their ice cream cone, it is a great atrocity in their lives, a huge loss, something to weep over, but the parent sees it as a minor misfortune. Now this is not to say there isn't real evil, or that God doesn't feel deeply for us in our hurts, but it is one of many possible explanations for the problem of evil.
It was all very apropos to the taco scenario, and I have developed a new empathy. Hopefully I will remember it the next time I see the crushing blow on my own children's faces while I am rushed and frustrated.

Oppositional defiant disorder (ODD)

We have found a label to put on our daughter and her actions: Oppositional Defiant Disorder or ODD. You can see a definition here Oppositional defiant disorder (ODD) - MayoClinic.com . When looking at the description of the disorder it sounds like they are describing childhood. Every kid I've ever come across is a crazy spaz hell bent on having their own way. So often, though, Ginger and I just lose it in the power struggle with Katie and she is only 11. What is going to happen when she is 15? It feels as though these problems have been exploding for years in the home and are doomed to get worse. She also struggles in school, bringing home low grades and mountains of homework that takes hours to complete. I don't remember having homework while in grade school except on rare occasion. I also don't remember starting algebra until 7th or 8th grade, but that is what they keep sending home even though she doesn't know her times tables. Katie desperately wants social interaction as well, but there are no girls in our neighborhood and every time she makes a friend they move.
We have been worried about her and next year begins Jr. High so it is going to get exponentially worse not to mention the on set of puberty. We have tried to set her up with a child psychologist only to find 6 and 7 month wait lists to see them and then as the time came near we found they did not accept our insurance. We had the school psychologist do an evaluation. He had us fill out a questionnaire and Katie's teacher do the same, then he observed her in the class room setting. We just got the report back and don't know what to make of it. Katie is listed by her teacher as a wonderful, obedient, well adjusted child. The psychologists observations against others kids chosen at random shows that Katie is not only fine, but higher rated than many. Our evaluation show her as an out of control tyrant. I think this reflects badly on us. I'm not positive, but if Katie has ODD I would assume a more consistent show of behavior in school as well as at home, but it could also be that she does have great control to avoid embarrassment in public and then it's even worse at home because it has been bottled up all day.
I did find a website ourdefiantkids that has free information, including an eBook for download with tips and tricks for discipline and rearing and a happy home life. A lot of it sounds good and needs to be put into practice (although that is not as easy as it sounds). Some of it just falls flat, but that is to be expected nobody has the exact same situation as anybody else. Doctors and psychologists take information about all kinds of people and then create an average that no one individual actually measures up to. I did appreciate the fact that drugs are not listed as the method of choice for dealing with this. I do wonder if Katie may need some chemical balance for focus and depression (runs in the family), but I'd like to see where she is with environment change first.
Ginger did make a valid point that it doesn't seem right for the entire house to have to change everything we do in order to tip-toe around Katie. Truth is the world will not and she needs to adjust in order to function in the world, but I don't think we need to change things as much as change our reaction to things. There is no point in blowing up and scaring everyone. Time to just be calm and do what needs to be done and let her have the natural consequences that fall.

Fire

With all the illness attacking our household the last few weeks there has not been much of interest to write about so I've been writing on my other blog which is just a random collection of musings that tend to ramble and not be too organized, and don't really pertain to the family; but, the other day was the book fair at the kids school. Xander was so desperate to get his allowance so he could blow it at the book fair. Ginger and I are big fans of books and hope this is instilled in our children for a lifetime of enjoyment.
Xander bought (at the BOOK fair let me remind you) a two sided pen that has a highlighter in the backside, and an electric pen that not only writes, but has a calendar, and phone book, and if you have a friend that also has one of the pens (and is no further than 10 feet away) you can send text messages to each other. He did get a book as well a book of cheat codes for video games. It contains hundreds of cheat codes for all manner of games on several different systems of which we have maybe four that it applies to. The total reading involved in this book is looking for the name of the game you are playing in the index and then a very short description of what the cheat will accomplish for you.
I really had a good laugh when Xander found the cheat for The Nightmare Before Christmas Oogie's Revenge that would allow his character the ability to have unlimited fire throwing capabilities. He enabled it and then had his character running around with a steady stream of fire blowing before him while Xander was singing Fire by the Pointer Sisters. I don't know where he got it from, but he picks up all kinds of songs and saying from T.V. especially commercials.

Another fire to sweep the house today was Katie just fighting for independence. We've had concerns about behavioral issues that we see, but the school psychologist gave a glowing report of how good and well adjusted she is. At home Ginger will ask her to do something and Katie will look right at her and say "No!" when Ginger tells her to go to her room Katie will just stare at her and not move (she does the same to me, but not as often or as blatant). She has not done her chores for two weeks now and she is pretty much refusing to do her homework (this well adjusted and good child). Today I heard her tell Ginger a flat out "No!" and a refusal to budge and even though I was laying in bed still in pain from bronchitis I got up in a rage and came out to the living room and grabbed her by the arm picking her up off the floor, in great fear she ran to her room crying. A little while later I walked by her room and saw this on the door.

I had to laugh. She is such a force of nature and so strong willed. I'm not really sure what to do. I do worry that she is going to be one of those who up and runs away one day when she is tired of being told she has something to do and that would crush all of us, but I hope this is also a phase of going through puberty and having to deal with other 11 year girls doing the same.

Get the bleach

Man we cannot get well here. I have been sick for close to a month, just going in waves never quite getting completely well, then right back down. Today I woke feeling miserable, and Katie is on her second day home from school. I gotta say, two nights ago Katie began a building up of how unwell she felt, but it came on the heels of homework she did not want to do, and some she refused to do so I wasn't exactly inclined to believe her. The next morning there was no acting about it she was sick. I almost think she was feeling a little ill, but was really just looking to get out of school not knowing what she was in for. Tonight she has volunteered to do homework and seems not only better, but happy to get out of the house tomorrow. Xander is still coughing and I just seem to be floating. Ginger has been on the cusp for weeks which is truly unusual as she is usually the much more susceptible of the two of us. Oh make it stop. Wipe down every surface and gargle with bleach.

Morning Dramas

The alarm went off at 6:30 this morning as it does every school day. I jumped up and turned it off as I usually do (I usually jump so fast that Ginger never has a chance to hear it), but then I heard Ginger say 'I'll get up and get them'. Without hesitation I crawled back under the covers and curled up. I couldn't fall back asleep though. I stayed hidden in the room, but listened to everything going on. Katie is not a morning person and just will not get moving. I heard my calls to her to get going. Once Ginger started to tell Katie how much time was left and Katie exploded at her with an 'I already heard you!' It was all I could do to keep from flying out of the bed and confronting her.
Xander; on he other hand, tends to be a morning person and is usually quite easy. Lately; however, he has become a little pill to get out of the bed, but is fine once extracted. He was sick last week and missed three days of school, being sure to put on quite a moaning performance each day before school started. He bounced around a lot after the sick call was made. Same for the weekend, bounced all over the place, to the point that it was decided he was well. Come this morning he was moping around and dragging, and looking oh so pathetic. Ginger said 'you're going to school' to which Xander replied 'I know, I'm just worried about making the other kids sick.' It is so wonderful that my child is so magnanimous and caring. If only he would have used the word 'children' instead of 'kids' I would have fallen out of the bed in hysterics.
In the end I got up because; of course, Katie missed the bus and needed a ride to school. She was told that she would be late. We were not going to hurry to get her there since she did not try to make it herself. She sat in the living room chair and just shot daggers at Ginger for twenty minutes. The ride to school was very quiet, she was not happy in the least. I just love school morning drama.